Why I haven't been posting

Why I haven't been posting:

* I've been busy, and I don't seem to be able to blog-on-the-run. Unless I figure out how to do so, this isn't gonna last much longer.
* I can't think of anything interesting to write about my life; put differently, I can't think of a way to make my life sound interesting. I keep starting posts in my head only to conclude they're not worth writing.
* My husband doesn't know about this blog, and I'm feeling guilty about it.
* I'm experiencing that imposter syndrome I almost always get when I've entered a new social situation. Sometimes I think I can only be authentic when I'm silent and invisible.
* I keep having to reset my password in order to log on to blooger. Why is that? Does it have something to do with my not logging on for several weeks? This is annoying, and makes me feel even more like I don't belong here.

Why haven't I told my husband? Could it have something to do with the fact that he thinks blogs are "stupid"? (A sophisticated conclusion he's reached on the basis of exactly *zero* research.) He's a bit of a curmudgeon when it comes to anything both technological and faddish. His favorite expression is "change is bad." I kind of love this about him. But sometimes it's INFURIATING. I think he'd worry, if he learned I had a blog, that I'd betrayed him or something. That I'd gone over to the dark side.

I'm finding that...

I relate to blogging much as I do to socializing in the "real world."

I tend, after the excitement of feeling as if might be accepted into a community, to begin to retreat back into my more comfortable solitude, and a more guarded behavior among those I'd hoped would become friends.

I have a hard time making friends. I feel as if I can't really trust other people unless they know my weaknesses and insecurities and prove to me that they still accept and like me in spite of them. But then, once I do reveal any of these insecurities, I become embarrassed and feel the opposite need to prove I'm in fact "OK."

I'm convinced, most of the time, that I make people uncomfortable. Of course, most of the time, I'm uncomfortable myself.

NOTE: I sat on this one for a long time, and finding it still to feel true, decided to post it. I don't know how to change the date on it, so it's showing up as August 6 instead of today (Sept 19). Of course, since I've hardly posted a thing in 6 weeks, this doesn't make much difference.

Good crazy

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Both good crazy and bad crazy. The good: I've been on a writing tear and I actually feel quite happy with the results. (I'm going to skip the bad, because it's boring and I don't feel like thinking about it right now.)

What I've learned in the last two weeks: I work much better with strict and frequent deadlines; I work much better when I have very specific goals; and I get more done when I'm busy than when I have lots of empty time. That last one sounded a little Yogi Berra, but you know what I mean. When I have two weeks devoted vaguely to "writing my book" and nothing else I tend to do everything but write my book. When I have six hours to write 600 words on a very specific topic, it gets done. Duh.

Unfortunately, this writing has been only tangentially related to my book, and is for a decidedly non-academic audience. Can I recreate this sense of urgency and focus for my "real" work?