Village society

One of my few social contacts these days is with a book club I was invited to join last year. I have not exactly embraced this opportunity. As evening nears on the appointed day, I inevitably find myself looking for excuses, while at the same time scolding myself for being so transparently anti-social and self-defeating. Because, clearly, what I need right now is social contact. To spend my mornings alone writing, my afternoons alone with my daughter playing and doing housework, and my evenings putting my daughter to bed and crapping out with Netflix is not exactly a recipe for mental health.

So why am I so loathe to break the routine once a month and hang out with a group of women who are, as far as I can tell, intelligent, funny, and easy going? But you see, that's just it. Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever been associated with a group of people who seem so damn healthy, cheerful, and comfortable with themselves as these women. No surprise, I suppose, but I'm most comfortable with uncomfortable, unhappy people for whom the word "health" has little fixed meaning.

Also these women don't seem all that interested in actually reading books. So far, no more than half the group ever shows up having read the book, and the portion of the evening spent talking about the book is rather small. To some extent, I have found the non-book focus a relief. My academic credentials makes informal, nonacademic discussions about literature somewhat awkward, though less for me than for the others who keep feeling as if they need to defer to my presumed expertise (which I never feel I truly own). But without the focus on a book, I find I have very little to say to these women, and instead silently dwell on my inadequate social skills and relative lack of health, cheerfulness and comfort-with-self.

This weekend there will be a "peace march" on Main street here in this predominantly Republican village of 3,000. I don't think it will attract CNN or the NY Times, but I'm thinking I'll go. Maybe I can meet more of the village misfits.